How many elf/man matches have you read of in popular fantasy? I have had a few very interesting dreams, one of which featured an elf/man couple in the middle of the ocean somewhere as I vaguely remember. The contempt and scorn the elf had for her companion was so real and devastating to me in that dream.
I'm still as much of a fantasy reader as you are. Arwen and Aragorn, Beren and Luthien (is that right?) are some of my favorite couples--but they are equal in status and very closely in kind. In my hypothesis, equality is swallowed by difference--a dfference in the very essence of their being. Slightly dismissive and unbelieving in the undying ties of romance, but here it is.